Many hours of the day I sit trying to remember my life gone by. I have too many questions, I cannot deny. I get answers to these time and time again, but never do I remember. In my head games are played, I see faces and times that do not connect, what I remember I cannot select.
I fall asleep and when I awake, nothing looks familiar and it makes me want to shake. I’ve done this often, so scared I’m not. I just look for clues to make my mind think, it all changes again, once I blink. The clock ticks but I can’t recall, I’ve watched it all day, but time is nothing, it has all gone away. Maybe it’s today, or is it yesterday or tomorrow? It all runs together, affording sorrow.
I know it’s time to eat because the clock says it noon, so my tummy must be hungry, even though upon my table lay a plate and a single spoon. The remnants of a meal just finished and forgotten, my mind teasing and tormenting with a pounding pain. Dizziness often, a struggle of memories unable to attain. Exhausted, I’d rather refrain.
I always lived my life creating memories to relish in my golden years, but they are all gone, I’m only left with tears. My head pounds as I try so hard to reflect. Within my mind is a swirl of pain, for the memories I cherished, but cannot attain. As one foot steps into a world beyond, the remaining foot loses its function, as my body no longer speaks, its connection is gone.
Gradual silence again turns to bliss, I see faces of those I’ve missed. I’m welcomed to join them and follow the light, their hands extended, as familiar ones cling, to be renewed again, God’s Grace is what they bring.
The Angels call my name and all the birds sing. Both feet forward, my body glides more graceful than ever before, I stand waiting and smiling, as He opens the door.
Check out new authors writing about dementia, as well as local book clubs, for more discussion.